How to Spice Up Your Sex Life

 
Is your love life losing its spark?  Has boredom crept into your bedroom? Don’t despair! What’s happening to you is perfectly normal. Everyone falls into sexual ruts now and then because routines, by definition, are easy and comforting. We discover one way to get ourselves or our partners off, and then we repeat. And repeat (until we put ourselves to sleep!).

Much as we’d like to wave our magic wand over your bed and restore your sex life to its former glory, there really is no one sure-fire toy or quick fix. However, with a bit of inspiration and a willingness to explore, you’ll be surprised at how a few simple changes can get you on the road to a more fulfilling sex life.

Know Thyself.

In the quest to break out of your rut, consider yourself a private eye assigned to investigate the mysteries of your sexuality. What do you like?  What do you fantasize about? Because our society defines sex so narrowly, a lot of people have trouble imagining sexual possibilities beyond their current repertoire.  Start your investigation with a little research. Maybe you’ve always been curious about anal sex, or you’ve harbored a secret desire to be spanked. Give yourself permission to explore them further.
Talk, Talk, Talk.

Talking to your partner about sex is crucial to developing a great sex life.  And practicing your communication skills doesn’t have to be a drag. Taking turns telling each other hot stories is a great way to communicate to your partner what you like or what you’d like to explore. If talking seems too intimidating, consider writing your partner a note detailing one of your hottest fantasies, or agree to meet online and engage in a little cybersex.

Shake It Up.

Take a good look at your usual sexual routine. Do you always have sex at the same place or the same time? Does every encounter consist of the same activities in roughly the same order? Start to imagine possibilities that excite you beyond your usual habits. If you always have sex in bed right before you fall asleep, what would happen if you initiated sex in the morning or on a weekend afternoon when you don’t have any obligations? Think about your sexual patters. Do you and your partner always indulge in a good, serious hour of lovemaking? Or do you like it quick and dirty? If you usually put aside an hour or two for sex, try a quickie and vice versa.

Try Something New.

In a society that discourages sexual exploration and gives us only a small menu of sexual choices appropriate for “good people,” it takes courage and initiative to try new things. However, one of the best things about exploring new avenues in your sex life is that it builds intimacy between partners. On top of that, change requires risk-taking, which all by itself can set your pulse racing. Make the commitment to try at least one new thing each month. You can start small: masturbate with a new toy or try a new sex position, or go for something more ambitious, like a foray into anal sex or BDSM. Now’s the time to accept your desires and get to work.

Sex Dates.

That’s right, make a date for sex. By planning sex dates, you and your partner are reaffirming the importance of sex in your life, and you’re actively creating the time and space for sex. Although it seems counter-intuitive, you’re not taking all the spontaneity (and excitement) out of your sex life. By penciling sex dates in on your calendar, you tap into a key ingredient of sexual arousal: anticipation. Sex dates shouldn’t be just another obligation in your already busy schedule; they’re an opportunity to put all of your everyday worries on the back burner and completely enjoy sex. 

Play Games.

Erotic games are a great way to introduce new ideas into your relationship in a fun and non-threatening way. They also take the pressure off either of you to initiate sex. Games like Paradice or Monogamy leave the sexual activity up to chance, so your encounters don't have a pre-scripted quality. Heavenly Body Sauce give you the opportunity to create edible artwork on your lover's body, while Nookii puts a naughty spin on the usual encounters with your partner.

Higher Learning.

Beyond general sex guides, there’s a fascinating array of sex books and videos available these days. And there’s always something new to learn.  Pick up a couple books or videos on subjects you’ve always been curious about or know nothing about at all. If you catch yourself thinking "I'm just not the kind of person who could read a book about sex," remember that DVDs offer a great way to actually learn and practice at the same time. Be adventurous in your exploration of sexuality. The Alexander Institute has an interesting range of DVDs available which are informative and educational. Try 101 Sexual Positions or Erotic Strip Dancing.

Erotic Inspiration.

Use erotica, whether it’s stories, pictures, or videos, to discover what turns you on. During your exploration, you might find hot spots you never knew existed.  Involve your partner in your research and not only will you gain new insights into his or her libido, you’ll both get turned on in the process. Don’t write off porn automatically because you’ve seen one magazine or video that you didn’t like. There’s an increasing diversity in porn, and although it can take a while to find porn that suits you, you’ll find it’s worth the search in the end.

Good for a Laugh.

And last but not least, try to lighten up in the bedroom. Don't worry so much about performance, timing, or expectations. Just set out to have fun, and don't be afraid to laugh at yourselves. Why not break the ice and start out with a good laugh—try strapping a Micro Butterfly over your clit or a  Cock Ring over your penis—and you'll be smiling while getting your buzz on.